My divorce was years ago. Looking back, I still remember learning the unspoken truth about friendships during divorce.

Some people I thought would be there for me weren’t. I’m referring to good friends I had before I was married. Friends that I would talk with regularly.

Others, who were friends but not “good” friends, stepped up and have since become trusted friends. I’m referring to people I thought of as acquaintances who became my friends during my difficult time.

When going through a divorce, you’re vulnerable.

I turned to my closest friends during that time. Unfortunately, I found out they weren’t there for me.

I could give a few of them an easy out since they had never gone through a divorce. But really, how hard is it to be empathetic toward a good friend who is going through a tough time?

One friend kept avoiding me. She treated me as if my divorce was contagious and would impact her marriage.

Another friend stayed away because she thought her husband was interested in being with me. The frustrating part about this situation was my friend’s poor judgment of my character. I was not interested in starting any relationship, much less one with her husband.

I’ve always heard you find out who your true friends are during difficult times. But I had no idea that friends I once held dearly would abandon me during my time of need.

On the flip side, I had a work colleague who opened her door to me and allowed me to stay in her house during my divorce process.

She was always there to listen to me and didn’t judge. She was truly empathetic.

I had another acquaintance who invited me to spend Thanksgiving with her family.

When the holiday started rolling around, I realized it would be my first Thanksgiving alone. My divorce wasn’t final but was in process.

Without hesitation, this acquaintance immediately invited me to join her family and has become a loyal friend since then.

Divorce is difficult on its own. But it can be even more difficult when trusted friends turn their backs on you.

Thank goodness I had acquaintances who stepped up and became loyal friends.

If you’re going through a divorce, you may experience a similar situation. Unfortunately, it’s one of those unspoken truths about friendships during divorce.

(Update to original post from July 30, 2018)


Niv Persaud, CFP®, CDFA®, RICP®, is a Managing Director at Transition Planning & Guidance, LLC. Life is more than money. It’s about living the lifestyle you want and can afford. For that reason, Niv consults with clients on money, life, and work. Her approach capitalizes on techniques she learned throughout her career, including as a management consultant, executive recruiter, and financial advisor. Her services include developing  comprehensive financial plans, divorce financial reviews, and retirement plans. Niv actively gives back to her community through her volunteer efforts. She believes in living life to the fullest by cherishing friendships, enjoying the beauty of nature and laughing often — even at herself. Her favorite quote is by Erma Bombeck, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say ‘I used everything you gave me.’”