January is known as “divorce month.” It’s after the holidays and family gatherings. Kids are back in school. It’s the beginning of a new year.
Many people believe all their issues will be resolved with a divorce. But will it?
In my practice, I have clients who are contemplating divorce, in the process of a divorce, or post-divorce. At whichever stage you are in, you’ve probably noticed an impact on your relationships.
When thinking about a divorce, direct relationships are the focus – your relationship with your spouse and children.
Rarely do you think about family and friends being impacted – until it happens. There’s a change in the relationship.
Those who used to be readily available are no longer there. You no longer receive invitations to couple-oriented gatherings.
Then there’s the relationship with your adult children. When children are in high school or younger, there’s a lot of information on how to communicate with them during a divorce. But there’s little information about dealing with adult children.
When thinking about your relationships beyond your spouse and underaged children, follow these suggestions.
1- List relationships that truly matter to you and focus on those individuals.
2- Be proactive and share your decision for divorce before they hear it from others.
3- Decide how much information you will share with each person. For example, your adult children do not need to know every detail – it may backfire and create resentment towards you.
4- Dedicate time to each person where you do not talk about your divorce. It’ll give you a break to focus on that person, and it’ll let them know you care about them.
5- Consider hiring a professional to use for venting about your relationship instead of dumping it on your family and friends, especially if those individuals will continue to have a relationship with your spouse.
When going through a divorce, whether you’re in the beginning stages or later, it’s easy to focus on those directly impacted – your spouse and underaged children. Keep in mind there are other relationships in your life you want to keep long-term. Focus on those individuals and let them know how important they are to you. It can be exhausting because of the stress you’re dealing with, but in the long run, you’ll be glad you took time to preserve those relationships.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Niv Persaud, CFP®, CDFA™, CRPC®, is the Founder of Transition Planning & Guidance, LLC. Life is more than money. It’s about living the lifestyle you want and can afford. For that reason, Niv consults with clients on money, life, and work. Her approach capitalizes on techniques she learned throughout her career, including as a management consultant, executive recruiter, and financial advisor. Her services include spending plan, financial plan, divorce financial review, life strategy, and professional progression. Niv actively gives back to her community through her volunteer efforts. She believes in living life to the fullest by cherishing friendships, enjoying the beauty of nature, and laughing often — even at herself. Her favorite quote is by Erma Bombeck, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say ‘I used everything you gave me’.”