Couples often compliment me on my knack for dealing with their financial disagreements. Some have called me their marriage counselor – which I am not since I don’t have those credentials.
Because each person’s experience with money is different, it’s normal to expect these types of disagreements in a relationship.
One person has a specific idea of how money should be spent. And the other person has different priorities.
As a Certified Financial Planner™ practitioner, I’ve worked with clients in many types of relationships – engaged, first marriage, late marriage, second marriage, common law marriage, etc.
Through the years, I’ve witnessed that no two relationships are the same. There is no “right” or “perfect” relationship. You just need to figure out what is “right” for your own relationship.
Unfortunately, many couples compare their relationship with what other couples are doing. But in reality, it’s what they are assuming other couples do.
As we know, you really don’t know what goes on in a relationship because you’re on the outside.
What I have noticed is that successful couples hold these three qualities:
1- Mutual respect
They show mutual respect by giving each other time to voice their opinion. They both participate in discussions because they know they both matter in the decision-making process.
2- Common goals
When couples share common goals, they share the same future vision. While they may not agree on the order of their top three goals, they agree those goals are a priority.
3- Shared experiences
Many couples do things together but sometimes these things are just routine tasks. Shared experiences are things outside the normal routine. It’s creating memories they can reminisce about later in life. It’s activities that bring them closer.
These three qualities may appear simple to achieve but require lots of communication.
Using my 5 P’s of Life process, I help couples begin the conversation about their priorities.
The 5 P’s of Life are:
1- Personal Relationships (experiences and things they want to provide for their family and friends)
2- Personal Finance (how they envision their daily and long-term financial management, including large purchases)
3- Profession (how they generate income)
4- Peace of Mind (what they do to strengthen their mental health – stress management, self-worth, volunteering, spirituality)
5- Physical Health (what they do to keep their body strong and healthy)
My clients update their 5 P’s of Life at least once a year to check in on their needs and wants.
With increased life demands and expectations, the conversation about your relationship needs to occur regularly. Stay focused on the three qualities of successful couples: mutual respect, common goals, and shared experiences.
Use our 5 P’s of Life concept to begin the conversation. And more importantly, don’t compare your relationship to others. Figure out what is “right” for your own relationship.
(Update to original post from September 24, 2018)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Niv Persaud, CFP®, CDFA®, RICP®, is a Managing Director at Transition Planning & Guidance, LLC. Life is more than money. It’s about living the lifestyle you want and can afford. For that reason, Niv consults with clients on money, life, and work. Her approach capitalizes on techniques she learned throughout her career, including as a management consultant, executive recruiter, and financial advisor. Her services include developing comprehensive financial plans, divorce financial reviews, and retirement plans. Niv actively gives back to her community through her volunteer efforts. She believes in living life to the fullest by cherishing friendships, enjoying the beauty of nature and laughing often — even at herself. Her favorite quote is by Erma Bombeck, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say ‘I used everything you gave me.’”