Spring is a time for warmer weather, beautiful blooms, and many events. Your weekends are probably being booked with events for Easter, prom, Mother’s Day, graduations and weddings.

Your days may be filled with an endless to-do list as you race around getting ready for these events while juggling your already busy life. During these busy times, it’s easy to forget to focus on one of your most important relationship – the one with your spouse. It’s easy to take that relationship for granted.

Through my work with individuals going through a divorce, a common complaint is “we grew apart.” Others are completely blindsided by the divorce and assume their spouse would always be there.

Usually, there’s not one incident that ends a marriage. It’s a build-up of not being treated in a way that is meaningful to them. The key word is “meaningful.”

Everyone wants to feel valued. When they don’t feel valued it’s difficult to stay in a relationship. Feeling undervalued is one of the main reasons people leave their employer. It’s also a key reason why people leave volunteer positions.     

How do you ensure your spouse feels valued?

Your role is to let your spouse know they are valued in a way that is meaningful to them.  To know what is meaningful to them, you need to understand how they communicate.

The 5 Love Languages written by Dr. Gary Chapman identifies different communication styles. Some people value hearing positive comments; some may prefer being helped in a task; some may prefer receiving gifts; some may prefer your time with them; and some may prefer a hug.

It’s probably rare to find someone that fits exactly in one category – face it, we’re complex beings. From being around your spouse, you probably have a good idea of their preference.

If you have no idea, observe how they treat others. People typically show others appreciation in the way they want to be shown it.

Keeping your marriage strong takes work. Making sure your spouse feels valued goes a long way in strengthening a marriage. Even when life becomes crazy hectic, show your spouse meaningful appreciation.


Niv Persaud, CFP®, CDFA™, RICP®, CRPC®, is the Founder of Transition Planning & Guidance, LLC. Life is more than money. It’s about living the lifestyle you want and can afford. For that reason, Niv consults with clients on money, life, and work. Her approach capitalizes on techniques she learned throughout her career, including as a management consultant, executive recruiter, and financial advisor. Her services include developing spending plans, comprehensive financial plans, divorce financial reviews, retirement plans. Niv actively gives back to her community through her volunteer efforts. She believes in living life to the fullest by cherishing friendships, enjoying the beauty of nature and laughing often — even at herself. Her favorite quote is by Erma Bombeck, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say ‘I used everything you gave me.’”