Key Takeaways
- Fall brings seasonal events, but this can strain relationships, especially marriages.
- The key to a strong marriage is making your spouse feel valued in a meaningful way.
- Observe how your spouse communicates and shows appreciation to understand their needs.
- Intentional gestures of appreciation, even during hectic times, strengthen your marriage.
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Fall brings cooler weather, changing leaves, and a calendar filled with seasonal events – football games, fall festivals, and Halloween.
Your to-do list becomes endless as you prepare for these events while juggling an already busy life.
During hectic seasons, it’s easy to lose sight of one of your most important relationships—the one with your spouse.
Through my work with individuals going through divorce, I often hear the same explanation: “We grew apart.”
Others are completely blindsided because they assumed their spouse would always be there.
Usually, a marriage doesn’t end because of one incident.
More often, the relationship erodes through a buildup of moments when one spouse doesn’t feel treated in a way that is meaningful to them.
The key word is “meaningful.”
Everyone wants to feel valued.
And when that need goes unmet, it becomes difficult to remain committed.
People leave employers and volunteer positions when they consistently feel undervalued; the same pattern can strain a marriage.
So how can you help your spouse feel valued in a way that matters to them?
To understand what matters most, pay attention to how they communicate and how they tend to express appreciation.
The 5 Love Languages, written by Dr. Gary Chapman, identifies different communication styles.
Some people value hearing positive comments; some may prefer help with a task; some may prefer receiving gifts; some may prefer your time; and some may prefer a hug.
It’s rare to find someone who fits exactly into one category – face it, we’re complex beings.
From being around your spouse, you probably have a good idea of their preference.
If you have no idea, observe how they treat others.
People typically show others appreciation in the way they want to be shown it.
Keeping a marriage strong takes intentional effort.
Even when life feels hectic, choose one meaningful way to show your spouse you appreciate them—offer an encouraging word, lighten a burden, spend focused time together, or simply ask what would help them feel valued today.
Making sure your spouse feels valued goes a long way in strengthening a marriage.
(Update to original post from March 25, 2019)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Niv Persaud, CFP®, is the Founder of Transition Planning & Guidance, LLC (TransitionPG®). She believes life is more than accumulating money – it’s about living the lifestyle you envision and can afford. Niv incorporates all aspects of life when discussing money. She developed the 5 P’s of Life (Personal Relationships, Personal Finance, Profession, Peace of Mind, and Physical Health) to help clients define what they want from life. Once she understands their vision, she helps them achieve their lifestyle or adjust their expectations based on their finances. Niv actively gives back to the community through her volunteer efforts. She believes in living life to the fullest by cherishing friendships, exploring the world, and laughing often—even at herself. Her favorite quote is by Erma Bombeck, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say ‘I used everything you gave me.’” Click HERE to read where she’s been quoted in the media.
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