When your spouse dies, there can be an emptiness so hard to describe.
Many surviving spouses can easily slip into depression.
They often question if they will ever find joy again.
Grief is experienced differently for each person.
While there are five stages of grief, it is understood that these stages are not sequential.
Also, how long one stays in each stage varies.
Once you accept this concept, being patient with yourself is easier.
To find joy again, be open to having waves of it – a short moment interspersed in your day.
Accept it for what it is and savor the feeling of joy.
Here are some suggestions to help you find joy.
Volunteer:
It often helps to shift your focus from yourself to helping others.
Even though you want to sit in your home and not go anywhere, challenge yourself to try one volunteer opportunity.
If you belong to a religious organization, find a volunteer opportunity through the programs they support.
Another option is to provide meals for a shelter or work at a local food bank.
If you struggle to interact with people, look for a volunteer opportunity at a local animal shelter.
Volunteers are needed to walk and socialize dogs.
No matter which volunteer opportunity you choose, the objective is to do something that gets you out of your home and preoccupies your mind – even if it’s only for an hour.
Laugh:
If there’s a comedy show or movie you enjoyed watching, then stream it.
Another way to laugh is by looking at funny pet videos on YouTube.
These moments of joy will help you take a break from your grief.
You’ll find laughing out loud releases built-up tension.
It’ll give you a fresh perspective.
Listen:
Silence can be deafening and compound your grief.
Find a joyful noise that brings a smile to your face.
It can be a short noise, such as a slight breeze gently tickling the wind chimes on your porch.
Or the soft gurgle of your coffee pot letting you know your coffee is ready.
It can be longer, such as a melody to a favorite song.
No matter if it’s short or long, if it makes you smile, then it’s worth listening.
Finding joy again after your spouse dies takes time.
You’ll have brief moments of joy quickly followed by sorrow.
Be patient with yourself during this time.
As time moves on, you’ll find longer moments of joy.
(Update to original post from May 23, 2019)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Niv Persaud, CFP®, is the Founder of Transition Planning & Guidance, LLC (TransitionPG®). She believes life is more than accumulating money – it’s about living the lifestyle you envision and can afford. Niv incorporates all aspects of life when discussing money. She developed the 5 P’s of Life (Personal Relationships, Personal Finance, Profession, Peace of Mind, and Physical Health) to help clients define what they want from life. Once she understands their vision, she helps them achieve their lifestyle or adjust their expectations based on their finances. Niv actively gives back to the community through her volunteer efforts. She believes in living life to the fullest by cherishing friendships, exploring the world, and laughing often—even at herself. Her favorite quote is by Erma Bombeck, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say ‘I used everything you gave me.’” Click HERE to read where she’s been quoted in the media.
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