Going through a divorce is tough.
It’s an emotional time – even if you’re the one who wants the divorce.
It’s also very stressful because you need to make major decisions, including how to split net worth for future financial security.
During this difficult time, it’s imperative to surround yourself with supportive friends and family.
The last thing you need is people who bring you down.
When I was going through my divorce, I learned quickly who my true supporters were.
I tend to be reserved and didn’t share what I was going through with many people.
Even if social media existed back then, I would not have posted about my situation.
Some friends and family pleasantly surprised me with their support.
They would call just to check in or share something funny to lift my spirits.
Others deeply wounded me by showing no concern – it was as if I told them I was changing my shoes.
Or if they did mention it, they were quick to make judgmental comments.
I realize for some people, experiencing a situation firsthand is the only way they understand how hard it is – that’s the “out” I gave those who showed no concern – they just didn’t know.
But for those who were quick to judge, I looked at the relationship long term.
For relationships I didn’t value, I was okay letting those relationships fade away.
I had no capacity for dealing with those who chose to judge and bring me down.
But some of those relationships, I knew I would continue to see at gatherings.
It wasn’t worth the drama to call them out on their behavior.
I learned to salvage the relationship by setting boundaries – meaning I limited my interactions with them.
Of course, they didn’t know what I was doing.
If you’re going through a difficult time – whether or not it’s a divorce – focus on your supporters.
It’s easy to become distracted by those who don’t support you. Their negative comments can easily consume your thoughts.
For those individuals, salvage the relationship by setting boundaries. Limit how often you see them. Limit your conversations.
Just remember to support your supporters when they experience a difficult time.
(Update to original post from August 15, 2016)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Niv Persaud, CFP®, CDFA®, RICP®, is a Managing Director at Transition Planning & Guidance, LLC. Life is more than money. It’s about living the lifestyle you want and can afford. For that reason, Niv consults with clients on money, life, and work. Her approach capitalizes on techniques she learned throughout her career, including as a management consultant, executive recruiter, and financial advisor. Her services include developing comprehensive financial plans, divorce financial reviews, and retirement plans. Niv actively gives back to her community through her volunteer efforts. She believes in living life to the fullest by cherishing friendships, enjoying the beauty of nature and laughing often — even at herself. Her favorite quote is by Erma Bombeck, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say ‘I used everything you gave me.’”