Expectations often shape marriage. Some expectations are spoken, but most are unspoken.
Over time, these marital expectations can become sources of stress, disappointment, or conflict.
Resetting them is not about lowering standards. It’s about realigning hopes with reality. In this way, both partners can thrive together.
Why reset marital expectations
As time goes by, we evolve with age and experience.
What you wanted at the beginning of your marriage may not be what you need now.
Your financial circumstances may be different. Your family dynamics may have changed with grown children and aging parents.
We often assume our partner evolves in the same way we do. But that assumption can lead to disappointment.
Open dialogue helps clarify what each partner truly values.
How to reset marital expectations
As we slide into the new year, set aside time to discuss what each of you expects from your marriage. Celebrate your accomplishments while discussing your future expectations.
Be honest and gentle, accepting that no marriage is perfect.
Use the “5 P’s of Life” as a framework to discuss your marital expectations.
The 5 P’s are key areas of life: personal relationships, personal finance, profession, peace of mind, and physical health.
For each category, identify how you ideally envision this part of your life.
It could be what you want it to look like in a year, in five years, or even in ten years.
“If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra
Here are some examples to spark your thoughts. Also, read our blog for more ideas.
Personal Relationships:
This category refers to experiences and things you want to provide for your family and friends.
Current Expectation: Holidays must be spent with both families every year.
Reset Approach: Identify which traditions matter the most and create new ones that meet your current situation, which may mean alternating visits or celebrating privately.
Personal Finance:
This category refers to how you envision your financial management and saving for large purchases.
Current Expectation: “Date night” had to be elaborate and expensive.
Reset Approach: Redefine this quality time to fit your current budget. Consider low-cost options such as shared walks, cooking together, or binge-watching a new series.
Profession:
This category is how you generate income (or, if retired, how you spend your time).
Current Expectation: Both partners expected to advance in their careers at the same pace.
Reset Approach: Discuss how career paths and ambitions may have changed and their impact on household roles and lifestyle expectations.
Peace of Mind:
This category refers to what each of you needs to do for stress management, improved self-worth, and overall mental health.
Current Expectation: One partner should always know what the other needs emotionally.
Reset Approach: Agree to check in regularly, ask for support directly, and share feelings openly, understanding that mind-reading isn’t realistic.
Physical Health:
This category refers to what you can do to reduce healthcare costs now and in the future. It includes physical activity, nutritional eating, and sufficient sleep.
Current Expectation: One partner assumed the other would always participate in the same hobby, whether it’s playing tennis or golf.
Reset Approach: Discuss time constraints for hobbies due to kids’ activities. Agree to split the obligations so each person has time to pursue their preferred hobby.
Resetting marriage expectations is an ongoing process. By embracing change, communicating openly, and supporting each other’s growth, couples can cultivate a relationship that is both peaceful and fulfilling.
Resetting expectations is about honest conversations, flexibility, and mutual respect. Celebrate your strengths as a couple and acknowledge areas for growth.
Once you’ve reset your marital expectations, develop an action plan to accomplish it.
Stay PEF (positive, enthusiastic, and focused) and make 2026 your best year ever!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Niv Persaud, CFP®, CDFA®, RICP®, is a Managing Director at Transition Planning & Guidance, LLC. Life is more than money. It’s about living the lifestyle you want and can afford. For that reason, Niv consults with clients on money, life, and work. Her approach capitalizes on techniques she learned throughout her career, including as a management consultant, executive recruiter, and financial advisor. Her services include developing comprehensive financial plans, divorce financial reviews, and retirement plans. Niv actively gives back to her community through her volunteer efforts. She believes in living life to the fullest by cherishing friendships, enjoying the beauty of nature and laughing often — even at herself. Her favorite quote is by Erma Bombeck, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say ‘I used everything you gave me.’”