When developing financial plans or retirement plans for couples, I often feel like a marriage counselor.
In fact, several of my clients tell me I’m the best marriage counselor they’ve met.
While I’m not a licensed therapist, I am a Certified Financial Planner™ professional. I often facilitate difficult discussions couples have about money.
Some of my clients are even referred to me by therapists.
It’s no surprise many couples disagree about their finances.
Decisions on spending and saving can easily escalate into emotional arguments.
Using the facilitation skills I developed during my management consulting days, I help couples define how they envision their lifestyle.
When people share a vision of how they see their lifestyle, it’s easier to reduce the length and intensity of arguments.
To create a shared vision, I use the 5 P’s of Life to help them identify what is important.
The 5 P’s of Life are personal relationships, personal finance, profession, peace of mind, and physical health.
For each category, I have a series of questions to help them define how they envision their lifestyle.
At the end of this process, they become aware of each other’s priorities regarding their lifestyle.
Some items they both share. Other items may only be important to one person.
There are even items that are non-negotiable and trump the other person’s priority.
Whenever there is a disagreement, instead of escalating into an emotional argument, they refer to their list.
If you and your partner are constantly arguing, try this approach. Share with each other how you see each aspect of your life together.
Use the 5 P’s of Life to address each area. From your conversations, develop a list of items for each of the 5 P’s of Life.
It may take several conversations to develop a list.
And as life moves forward, there may be changes in what you envision for your lifestyle.
When there is a disagreement, refer to this list. Ask each other these questions.
Does the item we are arguing about help us achieve the lifestyle we envision?
Does it prevent or delay any part of what we want to accomplish?
What’s the worst thing that could happen if we move forward?
What’s the worst thing that could happen if we don’t move forward?
While you may not have all the answers to these questions, you’ll be able to have rational conversations.
By focusing on how you envision your lifestyle together will help you settle most arguments.
And sometimes, you may agree to disagree … because at the end of the day, your relationship with each other is the most important part of how you envision life.
(Update to original post from September 23, 2019)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Niv Persaud, CFP®, is the Founder of Transition Planning & Guidance, LLC (TransitionPG®). She believes life is more than accumulating money – it’s about living the lifestyle you envision and can afford. Niv incorporates all aspects of life when discussing money. She developed the 5 P’s of Life (Personal Relationships, Personal Finance, Profession, Peace of Mind, and Physical Health) to help clients define what they want from life. Once she understands their vision, she helps them achieve their lifestyle or adjust their expectations based on their finances. Niv actively gives back to the community through her volunteer efforts. She believes in living life to the fullest by cherishing friendships, exploring the world, and laughing often—even at herself. Her favorite quote is by Erma Bombeck, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say ‘I used everything you gave me.’” Click HERE to read where she’s been quoted in the media.
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