How much time should you wait before enjoying life again after your spouse dies?
It’s a question many ponder, evoking various opinions.
Those who experienced the loss of a spouse often feel guilty for enjoying their life without their spouse.
And those who know someone who is a widow/widower, unfortunately, may voice their unwelcome opinion.
The correct answer varies.
It can only be answered by the surviving spouse – the person who experienced the loss but is ready to live life again.
If you’re a surviving spouse, you’ve probably ventured a long and challenging journey.
You had to deal with financial matters and take care of all household chores.
Your family and friends may have helped along the way.
But now you’re ready to move forward. However, your support group seems to hold you back.
Instead of becoming frustrated with them, give yourself permission to expand your circle of friends.
Seek new friends who will give you a fresh start instead of reminding you of your deceased spouse and your life as it was in the past.
You don’t have to ditch your current support group. They’ve helped in many ways.
But sometimes new friends can help you move forward.
Here are four ways to expand your circle of friends.
These suggestions are ways to add to your connections.
Be patient because it takes time to build new friendships, especially when you’re older.
Many people already have established routines and don’t have time for new friendships.
However, if you engage in something that is a common interest, you’ll meet new friends quicker.
1- Volunteer
Look for a cause you’re passionate about supporting.
Through volunteer events, you’ll meet others who share the same passion.
It’s a great way to give back while building new relationships.
2 – Work part-time
Whether or not you need money, a part-time job will help you meet new people.
You’ll gradually build relationships with your coworkers while staying busy.
3- Join a group
Find an activity you enjoy and join a group.
Larger cities have more options for ski clubs, photography groups, or age-specific activity groups.
Using platforms, such as MeetUp.com, can help you find groups near your location.
Another option is to check with local community centers and religious organizations.
4- Take a class
A class will require you to commit to a schedule.
With regular attendance, you’ll get to know your classmates.
It’s an easy way to get back into socializing without having to engage in long conversations.
If you’re ready to live life again after mourning the loss of your spouse, you may need to expand your circle of friends.
Sometimes old friends keep you trapped in grief.
New friends can easily help you move forward.
Volunteer, work part-time, join a group, or take a class to meet new people with a shared interest.
As you find new interests and expand your connections, your support group will recognize how you are healing and moving forward with life.
They will eventually come around to help you live life again.
(Update to original post from February 24, 2020)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Niv Persaud, CFP®, CDFA®, RICP®, is a Managing Director at Transition Planning & Guidance, LLC. Life is more than money. It’s about living the lifestyle you want and can afford. For that reason, Niv consults with clients on money, life, and work. Her approach capitalizes on techniques she learned throughout her career, including as a management consultant, executive recruiter, and financial advisor. Her services include developing comprehensive financial plans, divorce financial reviews, and retirement plans. Niv actively gives back to her community through her volunteer efforts. She believes in living life to the fullest by cherishing friendships, enjoying the beauty of nature and laughing often — even at herself. Her favorite quote is by Erma Bombeck, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say ‘I used everything you gave me.’”