Mom and Dad – Let’s Talk About Money

“Mom and Dad – let’s talk about money … your money and your retirement lifestyle.”

How would that statement go over with your parents?

There’s never a “good” time to initiate this conversation. But doesn’t it make sense to start this conversation before a crisis happens?

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Here are some reasons why YOU need to be proactive with your parents:

• Stroke is the No. 5 cause of death in the U.S. and the leading cause of disability. (American Stroke Association)

• Nearly 7 million Americans live with Alzheimer’s disease. Over 11 million Americans provide unpaid care for someone with Alzheimer’s or other dementia. (Alzheimer’s Association Alzheimer’s Disease Facts and Figures)

• Becoming a widow is more likely for women than men (18% of women aged 65-74 years old are widowed compared to 6% of men in the same age bracket). (Older Americans 2020: Key Indicators of Well-Being)

Wouldn’t you prefer to have a conversation about money before a crisis happens AND when your parents are mentally alert?

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Raising the topic of money with your parents may be difficult, especially if they are and have been private about their finances.

Using the right words, tone, and timing can break those barriers and open the door to meaningful conversation.

Here are four suggestions to keep in mind.

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1-Start with a one-on-one conversation

Initially, conversations about money should be one-on-one. If too many people are involved, it may appear threatening and create unnecessary barriers.

If you have siblings, choose ONE representative to initiate the conversation.

Ensure this representative understands the focus is on your parent’s money and lifestyle, not their own needs and inheritance.

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2-Begin subtly

Instead of jumping into the topic – as we did in the opening of this post – use a subtle opening.

For example, a family situation — “How is Aunt Debbie doing since Uncle Kevin unexpectedly passed away this year?”

You can also reference recent news — “Did you see the special report about increasing long-term care expenses?”

You can even use your situation as an opening — “We need help with our will. Who did you use?”

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3-Remain respectful and sensitive 

If your parents have been private about their finances, this topic will be challenging for them.

Accept that situation and remain respectful.

Be sensitive to their fears of possible loss of control or independence.

Listen without judgment. Reassure them you want to help.

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4-Be patient

This conversation will be a continual process – one of the reasons to begin sooner rather than later.

Take baby steps to break down barriers. Don’t expect everything to be resolved in one afternoon.

Ask questions for your parents to reflect on and discuss prior to your next meeting.

Having multiple short meetings about money will be more productive than one long meeting — which can be mentally and emotionally draining.

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After several meetings, reach out to experts such as your financial advisor, estate planning attorney, and tax advisor.

Your parents may be willing to speak more openly with a third-party expert, which will lighten your load.

Just remember not to be this difficult when your kids grow up and approach you about money when you’re older.

(Update to original post from December 2, 2014)

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